I thought we needed a place for bit of chuckle so I will start with a forum related chuckle:


How many online forum group members does it take to change a lightbulb?

-1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
-14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
-7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
-27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
-53 to flame the spell checkers.
-41 to correct spelling/grammar flames.
-6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"...another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive
-2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp".
-15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct.
-156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy".
-109 to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb group
-203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb group about changing light bulbs be stopped.
-111 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this group.
-306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
-27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
-14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's.
-3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.
-33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too".
-12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
-19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three".
-4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
-44 to ask what is a "FAQ".
-4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
-143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
-1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again....
__________________

Before you believe your Doctor knows everything........you might just want want a second opinion!


Actual writings on hospital charts by Doctors:

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills , but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert butforgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
25. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

politically correct "Merry christmas & happy new year"..........................
..........I think we need bigger cards!


Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for:

- an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the summer solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all;

and


- a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great, (not to imply that our country is necessarily greater than any other country), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual orientation of the wishee.

(Disclaimer: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher who assumes no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.)

I reckon this could work as a replacement for windguru

There are one or two lawyers out there with a heart!!........   ooooooooo


One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his shiny limousine when he
 saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his
 driver to stop and he got out to investigate the situation.
 He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
 "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
 "We HAVE TO eat grass."
 Immediately the lawyer said, "Well, then, you can come with me to my house
 and I'll feed you!"
 "But sir. I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under
 that tree."
 Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
 Turning to the other poor man he said, "You come with us, too." The second
 man said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
 "Bring them all!" the lawyer answered. They all jammed into the huge limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir,
 you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you"
 Genuinely touched, the lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.
 You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"

Why I fired my Secretary.

Last week was my birthday
and I didn't feel very well
waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!",
and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out,
she barely said good morning,
let alone
" Happy Birthday."

I thought...

Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids...
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office,
my secretary Jane said,
"Good Morning Boss,
and by the way
Happy Birthday ! "
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock ,
when Jane knocked on my door
and said, "You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go !"

We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office,
Jane said, "You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?"

I responded,
"I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?"
She said,
"Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner." 
 
 
After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
" Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back."
"Ok." I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
by my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing "Happy Birthday".


And I just sat there...


 
 
 
 

On the couch...


 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Naked. 

So..... this horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Why the long face? "

Two boys are playing cricket on a field in Durban , when one is attacked by
a vicious Rottweiler.Thinking quickly, the other boy took his cricket bat and managed to wedge it down the dog's collar and twist, luckily breaking the dog's neck and stopping its attack.

A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to
interview the boy.
"Young Sharks Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in
his notebook.
"But I'm not a Sharks fan," the little hero replied.

"Sorry, since we are in Durban , I just assumed you were," said the
reporter and starts again.

"Stormers Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack,..." he continued
writing in his notebook.

"I'm not a Stormers fan either!", the boy said."

"I assumed everyone in Durban was either for the Sharks or Stormers.
So what team DO you root for?" the reporter asked.

"I'm a Blue Bulls fan", the child beamed.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes:

"Little F*cker from Pretoria Kills Beloved Family Pet."