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The NSRI Fundraiser at Seaforth Beach in
Cape Town takes place this weekend.
Sometimes one has to wonder whether the NSRI looks forward to these "fundraiser"
events... Last year the southeaster came
roaring in and about 40% of the fleet ended up "retired, hurt" and ironically many
of them had to be rescued by the NSRI.
 Pic 1: High speed rescue...
DWASOPE
Investigation into the conduct of one of its members
Some South African paddlers may be aware of
a sinister, shadowy, elitist organisation known as DWASOPE. The acronym is believed
to stand for "Dave Williams-Ashman School of Paddling Excellence" and surfaced
for the first time before the 2006 Port Elizabeth to East London Challenge... DWASOPE members performed astonishingly in
the race with Dave Williams-Ashman actually finishing.
Be that as it may, surfski.info is proud to
scoop the world with the document below - believed to be the minutes of an internal
investigation by the DWASOPE Disciplinary Committee chaired by none other than
Mike de Villiers (who wrote the piece)...
Dear
Members,
Just
remind me then - the Mako6 and Epic's are more stable than the Millenniums - I
have already made a call to Keith Fenn and to Greg Barton (not Oscar) to verify
this generally regarded fact and they have confirmed that said statement is
indeed the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you Father (Torr).
For
those that attended the last weekend's Surfski Series race you will know that
it was a fundraiser for the NSRI - the idea being that a race be held where a
portion of the proceeds go towards those mighty men of the sea who so
heroically risk life and limb to protect those users of the ocean - for the
purposes of the illustration I am going to assume that ZAR20.00 of each entry
went to the NSRI - based an an entry of say 100 paddlers a total of ZAR2000.00
very welcomed Ronts would find its way into the NSRI coffers - I must digress
for a moment to explain that the NSRI is probably a little underfunded - they
rely heavily on these types of events for their cash - every cent is treated
like gold in their tireless efforts to make the oceans a safer place for us to
play in - this however seems to have been lost on one particular competitor who
due to his spotlight hogging ocean antics has actually meant that it cost the
NSRI more to be at the race than was actually raised - in my BOACBC (back of a
cigarette box calculation) it probably cost them in the vicinity of R4,000.00
to recover this paddler - a net loss of R2,000.00 for the NSRI fundraiser as a
whole - as the paddler is a member of DWASOPE I feel it only appropriate that I
raise the issue so that it can be dealt with appropriately.
Now
Weber, help me here, but in a court of law it's innocent until proven guilty,
right - so rather than judging before
hearing the evidence I have tried to gather as much info as possible to let
you, my fellow members, make up your own mind - hopefully this will provide a
balanced independent objective account of the morning's events.
The
evidence is a sequence of pictures taken of the alleged offender (AO) - there
are a couple of important points to note about each of the photographs - we
will deal with each one individually.
Pic 1
(see above) shows the NSRI boat burning up fuel and indirectly the money that could have
been raised from the event - admittedly at this point it is not clear who the
AO could be - the person could so easily have been mistaken for Andrew
Blackburn or Daryl Bartho if this were the only evidence.
Pic 2
shows the AO returning to the water in an attempt to paddle across the finish
line - at this point the identity of the AO is clearer but still not conclusive
- we were able to discount Rowan Atkinson as he was filming in the UK and was
nowhere near Cape Town at the time - importantly the AO does not seem to be
wearing a lifejacket, I can't see any flares nor a leash - note the wry smile
on one of the rescuers faces as if to say 'does this oke really know what he is
doing'.
 Pic 2: Does this oke know what he's doing???
Pic 3
has our AO in the water with his craft now being blown downwind - note his
alertness in grabbing his juice pipe to try and pull the craft closer - note
the extent to which the juice pipe has already been stretched beyond its SABS
approved length.
 Pic 3: Evidence: abuse of juice pipe
Pic 4
has our AO mounting his craft in extremely trying ocean conditions!!!! - notice
in this picture specifically how violent the sea is, how it is being whipped
into a frenzy by the unforgiving elements, how the craft and the AO is being
thrown around by the confused ocean - only a past PE/EL finisher could have
coped with the conditions so well.
 Pic 4: Remount attempt in extreme conditions
Pic 5
is the last pic in the sequence - it seems that after having called on a
superhuman effort to mount the craft in those terrifying conditions in the
previous picture, the AO had once again found himself submerged in what can
only be described as the most vicious sea ever experienced in False Bay - note
again in this picture how the spray is being driven horizontally across the
surface, how the AO is being covered by wind chop - certainly not for the faint
hearted - note also that the rescue boat had by this time run out of fuel and
was being towed back to the Simonstown NSRI station.
 Pic 5: Maybe stick to swimming?
I am
happy to report that the AO arrived back on land to much applause from the
gathered crowd - at this point tour groups were being diverted from seeing the
penguins to be able to witness the events unfolding at Seaforth Beach - it was
like a movie unfolding before their eyes - it made a Japanese tourist laugh, it
made a German tourist cry, it had people cheering on the beach - not since
Shamu jumped over his captors net to regain his freedom have their been so many
people willing someone on - I am just glad that I can say that I was there -
when people talk of this day in the years to come I will be able to say that I
was there.
These
are the facts as they appear - I leave it to you fellow members to act as judge
and jury - we have only presented the facts and are yet to hear the AO's side
of events - in the spirit of fairness and openess we would welcome any comments
that may be appropriate.
Yours
in Paddling
The
Honourable Judge Hilary Squires
Support
the NSRI!
On a more serious note - the race on Sunday
25th December really is a fund raiser - if you're in Cape Town, come
along and take part. For more info on
the race, see www.surfski.co.za
And if you haven't been called by the NSRI
fund raisers (man, they're on the ball!), go along to the NSRI website and see
how you can contribute... they're entirely
funded through donations and they need our help - just as we sometimes need their
help! And there are plenty of stories on
surfski.info to prove it!
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